Do you ever worry about this, or is it just me? You know – like if Morpheus sent you a phone and started telling you what was about to happen?

Or say tomorrow you discover new powers – flying or x-ray vision or super-strength.

Perhaps you simply discover your best friend (who just happens to be Mos Def) is actually a hitchhiking alien writing a travel guide about Earth, which just so happens is about to be destroyed.

Do you know what you would do? Do you have a plan? Are you prepared if things that only happen in the movies begin to happen to you?

First things first, don’t panic.

You’re going to have to accept your new situation for what it is. You can’t spend a lot of time dwelling on the fact that you are now responsible for saving the world or that your car is actually a robot from another planet.

It’s important to have a plan. For example – I know that if I wake up one day and figure out that I’m either A) The last person on Earth or B) One of the last people on Earth, one of the first things I’m going to do is head to Wal-Mart or a large sporting goods store for supplies. Then I’ll probably hit the road in search of survivors or possible zombies.

Also, if somebody I don’t know approaches me with a briefcase, envelope, computer disk, or package and then quickly disappears leaving me with a bunch of questions – I will immediately begin to look out for possible assassins as somebody will be coming to kill me.

Here are a few basic rules that will help you make it through the next hour and a half.

1. If the car, the boat, house or building you are currently in is about to blow up, run quickly towards the nearest person filming the situation. Anybody holding a camera – run towards them and dive in front of them just below the camera’s sight line.

2. In dealing with super-viruses or similar world ending epidemics – you’ll need to locate a good looking female doctor. It doesn’t really matter if she’s a podiatrist or neurosurgeon, as long as she’s wearing a white doctor’s coat and stethoscope when you first find her, she’ll be able to help you with an antidote.

3. Always believe your dreams. They are almost always 100% accurate in predicting the future.

4. When being shot at don’t worry because whoever is shooting at you is most likely the worst shot in the world. If you have a gun or get a chance to pick one up, shoot in their general direction and you’ll take them out. Or you can always throw a knife at them.

5. If you do get shot, it’ll just be a flesh wound. You’ll still be able to do whatever you want unlike your regular unmovielike life where a paper cut will generally ruin your day.

6. If you need to locate a villain, look in Chinatown.

7. It will take you two tries to diffuse the bomb. No matter what you do your first attempt will only cause the bomb to begin counting down twice as fast. In the end it’s just best to close your eyes and cut a random wire.

8. When trying to escape if somebody’s chasing you, look for a bus – but not to get on and ride. Simply head for the other side of the bus, and when it moves out of the way, you’ll be gone. Trains also work well in situations like this.

9. If you find yourself hiccuping, coughing, or sneezing you are not in a movie situation. These things just don’t happen. Unless somebody around you coughs. They are most likely terminally ill and about to die.

10. If you have to kill a bad guy, you probably are going to need to chop his head off as any other method – shooting, stabbing, burning, drowning, pushing down stairs, or simply beating – is going to allow him to get back up and try to kill you again.

These ‘rules’ should keep you alive if your life happens to become a movie. If you think I’ve forgotten an important one, please share with us as the safety of the world might depend on it.